hahha~ As if this year isn't enough illnesses itself, and I thought I've already heavily run over the quota of my sick records... What worse could have happened? Yes, there's always something worse. And this time, disfigure!!! awww... ok lahz... it would go away in a few days... but I hope it would clear up by thursday, which is... tomorrow!!! Oh well... Doubt it. but still hope it would.

Apparently I wasn't angry with them for doing that. It actually gave me some sort of inspiration... But... it just came at the wrong time... why just a few days before thursday, and Friday??? I guess, I just have to be glad that the meeting isn't on Tuesday, which would have been much worse I think. Oh well... Pray hard and see if it would go away by then. Perhaps... it is God's way of telling me that she isn't the one to go... or perhaps, His teaching is no matter how you look, if she's interested, she'd accept you as an entirety. After all, it's only temporary... If someone doesn't even have that little foresight, she probably doesn't even deserve that special place in my family.

Talking about that special place... I can't believe I actually opened it up for so long to someone who places me in a position behind her friends, colleagues and personal time, despite all my efforts and plans to cheer her up and celebrate her bday. To return earlier, to import ingredients from the States because I know I wouldn't have time to search for them locally, to get the presents, to plan all the details so that each detail is meaningful. I've really let this special position down. Guess what, till now, the present still sits on my desk, and there wasn't even a meaningful sms or tele conversation. Even my dad kept asking if I had met her (yes he has seen that thing on the wall when he came over to visit me), and if I wanted to send a donut from DonutMaster over. Oh well, that was probably the last thing I'd do for her. When you start to do too much, you start to be taken for granted. If you're easy to get, you're of little value. I don't understand why many people have this problem - only to cherish it when it's over. Oh well, It's now her turn to fight for this spot. While there're still 101 reasons why I opened up this place to this girl, there're also 2 reasons why I would close it. And of course, one of the reasons is since I'm placed behind everyone else, it makes no sense why she should be placed in front of everyone else in my heart. I hate being ignored and taken for granted. My hard-to-come-by 2 weeks leave in Sg seems to be insufficient justification for her to even squeeze out some time, which showed just how much I'm being treasured.

Like what yuan yuan chun and many others said, with my status, qualifications, earning power and skill sets, I shouldn't have any problems landing myself with a good girl next time, in fact, I should deserve better. Well, I guess. But I would definitely prefer a suitable girl to work with me on my dreams if I could help it. And I guess, I wanted to prove that it's not the distance that mattered, cos even when I'm here it didn't really make a difference - I'm still being ignored pretty much. haha~ But yeah, perhaps I should find a smarter girl next time. One who's decent to look at, who'd really add good value to my dreams, who'd listen to my rubbish, who's willing to share her life with me, who'd need my protection. wahahha I'm so MCP.

It was really interesting to see how my parents arrange the meeting. I've really never seen my parents doing it before. In fact, anything that got to do with love, is something that isn't explicitly displayed in the family. haha~ Perhaps I need it more than my brothers. Perhaps it's just because of some recent events... But yeah interesting. But I shan't disclose too much details here. In the least, my parents, for the first time, were more involved in this one-sided thing I was hoping to pursue. Mum even wanted to keep a picture of me and her, but of course I refused. haha~ cos it's meaningless. I guess I should be more cautious about who I add to the family. From my parents' last visit, I actually learnt more about some unsaid expectations of my parents with their daughter-in-laws, which I gathered from what I told them about this girl... And yes I should say it's interesting. This position, is indeed hard to fill. The ideal one, could be really easy, and yet, hard. I should perhaps, stick more to people of my own world.

But I should still thank her. Without her, I wouldn't have broken my own records in drawing and video making, I wouldn't have lost 15 kg in 3 months, I wouldn't have gotten a better body, I wouldn't have cared a little more about my outlook and many others. Now I'm perhaps more justified to raise my expectations of my future partner. :P Just kidding... At least my future partner will get a better partner now. =) After all, how you look, and what you are affects your partner more than yourself. Shall let the fruits of this pursuit be enjoyed by the deserved one. Perhaps, this is exactly what I had hoped to get out of this inconclusive pursuit. A good investor, never invests without yielding any returns.