20%. That's the points I give that woman now to the point I'd recover my impression of her, which is already quite promising for a start and a big leap from 0%. If only looking on per encounter basis, I would give 60% for this time. Could see that that woman did try to cut back on quite a few things, and did a few constructive stuff like cleaning the side of my rice cooker, and at least washed some of her own dishes from breakfast. At least there's teeny weeny sisterly feeling in the air. Not sure what my bro said to her, or maybe it's just because I didn't touch her mine bombs... whatever it is, there's quite a big change. Or at least, that woman didn't get angry over meaningless things... for once... and spoil the mood of the stay. I have to say, I did enjoy that 2 days thoroughly for once, cheonging games tog w my bro, just like the past. hee~ Budden it's easy to do it for a single time, or even twice, but what about for 10 times, for 1 yr, or even 2 yrs... Such things take a long time to develop, or even longer to recover if it's already badly damaged. Just like the brotherly relationship I have with my 2 brothers. That's over 2 decades of development efforts. Oh well... we'll see. Really don't have the time to be bothered with that woman. Should spend more attention and focus on myself... career and lifetime partner.

Life partners. I still believe it is really important to choose the right one, cos that's going to affect one's lifetime. After all, it's probably not a good match if both parties have to compromise a lot just to match one another's life expectations. I'd rather spend the efforts to find one that matches my interests better, rather than spend the efforts to compromise on things that differ. Without doubt, there're definitely differences, but at least the differences will be easier to clear. My current belief of a relationship is to live and enjoy life together on common interests, as opposed to get by and tolerate each other for a lifetime. That will be sad. Oh well, naive as it is, but that's after all the whole point of a relationship.

Was looking at the bunch of business school ranking, and I realized that there're only so few schools which I would hope to get into, primarily because I really don't want to leave Cali. Would hate to drag all my stuff along... but then again, I'd definitely have to shift out of my beloved home, to another no matter what. Alright, I'm just lazy to take on the long distances again. Hopefully I'm able to get into one of these schools.

This decision is still fuzzy at the moment. Get my company to sponsor and do a part time mba, take a year of absence and get the company to sponsor mba, or resign and live off my dad again. Really. All 3 options are tempting, and Im deliberating over them for the past few weeks.

The first option is really tiring, and I'd hate it, but the renumeration is the best, although I'd lose the chance to work on my ideals.

The second option sounds like the best out of the 3. But not sure whether it would be possible or how long would I be tied to the company.

Ah well.

For the moment, I'd just got to prove my worth and I'm still not quite up to it yet. I will shine. I will.

In the least, I've finally got 2 projects which I'm really interested in, and one of which, I'm pretty much the only person working on it up to production! Yes, I'd get advice, but I'm pretty much responsible for it! It's so exciting! I hope I do a good job out of it. My proj lead says it's a small and pretty straightforward thing. To him and many others, perhaps. But I just got to learn, and not screw anyone up!

I shall reiterate, even if this is 1001st time I'm doing it. I really feel fortunate that I'm in such a company, a company where I'm able to nurture, where I have space and freedom to grow. Being under a manager who's able to recognize my strengths and weaknesses, and would do something to support my weaknesses while giving space for my strengths to shine. I feel lucky and honoured, but at the same time responsibility and expectations. But whatever it is, I have to cherish this chance and learn whatever I can. I know, being the normal me, I'd be able to excel and do things which only crazy pple like me will do. But first, I have to rid myself of this inferiority within me cultivated from college and give myself the confidence I need.

For my future, for my ideals, for my would-be partner, for myself.