情为何物? What is love?

This question suddenly hit me right in the head. I realized after going through so much, this thing has sort of became blurrer instead of clearer.

The only kind of love I experienced in the past was the sparkling kind. We used to do a lot of things together; our lives were pretty integrated. My life revolves around her 80% of the time, and hers around me 80% of the time too. Which wasn't really that bad really, cos even though it's 80% of the time, 40% of it was actually our normal activities. There was private space too, but I felt that there wasn't enough. I didn't have much time to do my own stuff. It was really those sparkling kind, but the other end of the spectrum was really bad too. The fluctuation of this kinda love is too great to my liking.

Yet another kind of love I know of is the other extreme - the quiet kind. In this kind of love, both parties merely lived together like close friends. There really isn't any kick out of this kind of love, but there also isn't any negative extreme either. Everything was plain sailing, not for the better nor for the worse. The lives of both parties aren't really integrated, and both parties really lived separate lives. They rarely did stuff together and aren't really as interested in the stuff the other party does, as in the first case. And like close friends, both parties rarely fondle each other, but unlike close friends, they do not like to take any kind of advantage of each other. They are merely existing in the same living space with a quiet affinity for each other.

After looking at these 2 extremes, what then is your outlook on love? How integrated should the lives of a couple be? How much private space should one leave? How much attention should a party give the other? How much should one do for the other?

My view on love is kinda distorted already, owing to the series of stuff that happened over the years. I hate to go back to that temperamental love I used to experience, but yet I'm really not looking forward to the kind of quiet love either. I find that the latter gives a feeling of emptiness in love, and thus life itself. It's not love at all. It's friendship. Also, I feel that fondling is not taking advantage of the other party, but an expression of love, and it's a necessary thing to avoid the empty love illustrated in the second case. I'd hate it if my future partner doesn't like me to get close to her, as that just means friends rather than lovers. And I'd equally hate it if she doesn't do the same too, for the same reasons. I mean, love isn't one-sided, and should come from both parties. So yes, I dislike unbalanced love.

A couple in my opinion should not be too apprenhensive about being taken advantage. In fact, I think a couple should take advantage of each other as much as needed, so that they'd be dependent on each other and a higher level of love will be established.

Even close friends also shouldn't be too troubled when being taken advantaged. A close friendship should operate on a higher level and trivialize who owes who. I mean, it shouldn't really matter anymore. If you take advantage of me today and I do that to you tomorrow, and so on, and so who owes who at the end of the day? Who actually cares about that anyway? I'm already satisfied to have a close friend like you.

So perhaps my view on love is I can't stand both temperamental love and quiet love. I'd eventually fall out of a temperamental love or get bored by a quiet love. Perhaps something in between is more for me. As in at least my partner doesn't mind being taken advantage and I obviously feels happy if my partner takes advantage of me, cos the more she does that, the more I feel that she needs me. The same goes for the opposite. If she's too reserved in taking advantage, I'd just feel lousy and that my presence isn't necessary at all, and whether I'm there anot, it doesn't really matter. If that's the case, I'd definitely lose my love for her eventually... cos she doesn't even need me. Attention wise, I'd definitely prefer someone who's interested in what I'm doing, or at least ASK me what I'm doing. I'd definitely prefer love with 40-50% integration, with some private space definitely. I mean, at least do some things together rather than living one's own life. The latter is called friends, not couple. Mutual fondling is definitely a YES from me, cos I firmly believe that's a vital ingredient for a long lasting relationship, and I certainly do not consider that as taking advantage of the other. Cos otherwise, why be together in the first place?

Wah, soo many demands... I think finding my destined partner is really hard man... But i don't think it's that hard actually. Many people fall into this region. Oh well... after all, I grew up on a sparkling first love... and so I'm definitely on for something more than mere quiet and empty love.