Was doing a review on my life earlier during lunch. and yes, am quite ambivalent with the result. On the brighter side, I'm satisfied with what I have achieved so far. I have the grades, I have learnt quite a number of skills, and in fact have tried many stuff in the last 2 yrs that I hadn't for my whole life before that. Cooking, video filming, getting back on badminton, inventing, programming...

Well, but the saddest part of it all is while i'm a jack of some trades, I'm really a master of none. Tried, but somehow feel that the potential seemed quite limited... Can't really figure out if it's limiting potential or it's potential yet to be unleashed and this is really a sad thing. I mean if I know I have limited potential in it, I can at least stop and try something else. The thing is I don't, and I really don't know what I really want. Perhaps, some enlightenment would come from my childhood skills in basketball and the organ. Have been doing them for at least 12 years now. Boy, these 12 years aren't easy to come by.

And now that I start to recall, the first few years are really not easy. There are times when I just didn't like it and wanted to give it up, esp for organ. But somehow breakthroughs just occur in the middle and from then on, I love it to the core. It's really weird or at least it does for me.
My basketball skills significantly improved only in sec 3 and the next significant jump was around J2/army.

As for my organ enlightenments, they didn't come until I asked my organ tutor for contemporary chinese pop. Previously they were all boring textbook style kinda pieces. Good, but didn't really interest me. Then came these chinese pop pieces. And though they were easy (because most of them have already been pre-programmed), they truly mark the start of my interest in organ. And that didn't happen until the really last lights of my organ education. After which I've got my Grade 6 and had to stop to prepare for my O's. Took me more than 6 yrs (probably 8) to get that, which isn't exactly pretty. Could have gotten in 4 or 5 probably. But really didn't have any interest then. Well, my tutor was astonished at the change in the last year. Previously I used to take 3 weeks to master a piece (cos I only practise the pieces like the one hr before the next lesson starts :P). Then after that, it took me only 1 day (or 1 lesson week) to do it. Oh well, really a pity to have stopped, but yes, I've been wasting too much resources in that 8 years. However, the continual education does exist in this case. Been actively looking around for music scores since then, tho I didn't really get many scorebooks as most of them were out of my budget. It would be nice if I'd get one for my bday present just because I am nice... hehe~

Well anyway, the point is, are the paths of these 2 skills that I value most clues of what I should expect in my journey in future with regards to my career and my interests? Does it take that long to establish and see the potential? How do I know if I'm gifted in that field, or im simply trying to break through, but to no avail, that glass ceiling above? Perhaps, perhaps, it's really time to settle down on 1 thing, and start to specialize. Just like what my brother and friends are doing. Yes, specialization will be my new focus in life.