Ambitions Ambitions Ambitions... Despite the fact that this is the middle of the critical period of finals, my mind isn't completely crammed with theories and formulas. Instead, it's full of excitement arising from the thoughts of realizing my ambitions. Yes, I have new ambitions now, but my old ambitions aren't abandoned. Perhaps, this is the new direction I'd like to take in order to ultimately realize my old ambitions. Too many stuff to do now, and yet, I've too little time to do them. The stuff that I really want to do right now, aren't really the stuff that I ought to do. Yes, if you are thinking "Aren't you supposed to be mugging like the others?! Not blogging or doing or thinking about something else???", you are right. I'm supposed to study, but I just couldn't. I had to force myself to contain those thoughts when I was studying for physics and ece 230 the past week, and I didn't have an easy time with that. This always happens when I get terribly excited about something, and it always happens during the finals, perhaps because my mind doesn't wanna turn to the books and thus comes up with weird ideas to distract me from studying! But i guess this idea i have is unlike any of those of the past. I feel that this will really come true, and I hope that it will. This time, I'm in control of the success of the idea. And I will make it a success! Sighz, but then again, it always dampens my spirits whenever i realise the lack of someone who'd really feel that excitement within me, whom i can really share the excitement with, who'd be as excited about it as I am. Perhaps she's not ready, or perhaps she's not willing. But whichever the case is, this is the fact and that's perhaps the only imperfection in this otherwise perfect idea. Well, I guess, some things can never be forced or hurried, and perhaps that's exactly my weakness - impatience. I just can't stand it when things go so slowly, because I feel that I don't have the time for it. But yet, despite the fact that I keep telling myself to exercise patience in this area, my feelings' apparently as stubborn as I am. Well, perhaps this is retribution for me. I left someone who loves me so much because I realized she couldn't satisfy my emotional needs, and so now, I suffer the consequences of my actions - to be alone. Sighz, why do I always pray to god when I'm in need? I wasn't like that in the past. Perhaps, it's because I'm feeling helpless about some stuff, or perhaps, I now have a better relationship with Him, or perhaps, he's the one who's willing to share my joy and sorrows with me, who's willing to listen to me talk. He told me to be patient. And yes, he's correcting me, the worst flaw that I have, so that I can be a better person. But correction isn't always easy. It's a long process, and an arduous one, which takes constant reminder and strong determination. Oh well, this tunnel I'm in is really too dark to see what lies ahead. I just have to put my trust in God that at the end of the tunnel lies a bright and beautiful future. There's only 2 things I want in life now. One, I'm in control. The other one... hopefully I can make it happen, if God permits. Only then will I be truly satisfied. For now, I shall persist, and continue to head towards the end of the tunnel. Things will be good. I love everyone who loves me =).