Saturday, April 09, 2005
Arrgh, guess it's one of those thinking days again... juz ignore my blabbering...

Perhaps the part and parcel of growing up is getting lost... you lose your identity, and are trying to find it back and find that things are no longer the same... Getting lost in every aspect of your life as you slowly step into the next stage of life... Is this what life should be? At least for me, i guess it is... First it's getting lost in my future and ambitions... After I've finally figured out abt my personal career and my path in life, here comes another identity fog... the question of who I am... It seems so hard to re-establish my own identity... I can't seem to go back to my young self, and yet, I don't seem to be ready for what I think I should be... Or at least, be like all my friends ard me... Sometimes, I just feel like I'm not behaving like those my age... My kind of interest somehow don't really go along with others who're my age... What are my interests anyway? Does it matter at all? My ignorance is perhaps that glass barrier that's blocking me... I can see what I have to be, but I simply just can't achieve it somehow... I can remember stuff for examz well, but never seem to be able to remember much outside the textbook... Every stuff that I come across, dissipates in a few days... How is it that others can remember something for so long and tok abt it, and yet I can't? Perhaps, I 've never bothered to... I've tried, but failed... tried again, and yet failed again... Always had this inferior feeling within me... gah... Perhaps my friends can accept me as who I am, love me as who I am... Perhaps it's just me who can't accept myself as who I am... Who am I anyway? I can never decide how I want myself to be... Is there a problem with myself? I don't really see any problems with any of those ard me identifying wif themselves... Perhaps they've accepted themselves as they are... If I can't accept myself in the first place, if I'm not clear of my own identity, how then am I ready to accept a life partner? I'm not even clear about who I am, what I want... I really hate myself sometimes... hate my ignorance... hate myself for not being able to remember stuff, faces, names, everything well... or at least, well enuff to bring out and tok abt... how can I bring myself to accept myself when I can't accept this weakness that I have? I can easily accept my friends as they are, why then do I find it hard to accept myself as I am??? Am I being too mature in thinking about all these???... Perhaps, I'm just too naive to want to return to my old innocent self... which causes this loss in identity - I yearn to go back, and yet, I can't... I have to move forward, and yet I don't... Yes, I think I have to move forward... bravely... abandon innocence and be the mature me... so that perhaps, a different kind, but of equal level or value, of happiness may result... If I can't accept my weakness, den I should overcome it... I should work on it... While working at fixing my identity, I shall just try to be as what I will be... For now, I just hope that someone would just come by... someone whom I can freely open my inner thoughts to, unlock the commuication barrier that is came up 4 years ago because of an incident and yet still remained within myself, someone who understands what my thoughts are, understands what i say, is interested in what I have to say, appreciates what I have to say and comments on what I say... If there really is that someone who'd pass my life, that someone, I guess, will be the one...
posted by Juxling at 3:24 PM

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Inspiration Quotes
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.
Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.